20 March 2016

How to Deal with Blamers’ Negativity


   
 
 how to deal with blamers negativity tips
Tips to deal with blamers
Some relationships are toxic, so toxic in fact that we don’t even realize what a negative impact they can have and how much they can drain us. One day you think you are close to someone and the next you wonder if they are your enemy.
But it’s hard to let go of a relationship in which we spend so much energy, even if we know the balance is not right and suspect people are playing the blame game with us and holding us back from believing in ourselves.
“Those who are dedicated to a life of wisdom understand that the impulse to blame something or someone is foolishness, that there is nothing to be gained in blaming, whether it be others or oneself.” Epictetus

How do you know if you are dealing with a blamer? 

Blaming others is a form of narcissism, meaning an inflated sense of one’s self-importance. Narcissists are well known for blaming others for their problems and by doing so they are projecting their own insecurities onto the other person, who is usually not to blame at all for whatever they are being accused of. Example: the person that prangs their car and says it was your fault for distracting them when they were driving!
People who blame refuse to be accountable for their own actions and failures, as a result they put blame where it doesn’t belong, on others. Deep down blamers know they are wrong but they like to be in control and get caught up in their own game; blaming others makes them feel better about themselves and their own failures.
Blamers make you feel fearful of taking a risk toward your dream goal in case you fail and when you fail they’ll be there to say “I told you so”. People like this will slow you down and maybe it’s time to let go of them or adjust your behavior when you are with them. Understand that their behavior is not about you, something inside them is broken, and your happiness or existence triggers, their own insecurities to surface.
These negative people blame as a defence mechanism. They usually have self-esteem issues and can be described as selfish and self absorbed. They pretend that they can do no wrong and it’s the other person who is in the wrong all the time. They also don’t realize how negative they are and how this can make others feel. Blamers say they feel misunderstood and when challenged around their blaming behavior they interpret it as persecution without acknowledging their part in the situation.
In a blamer’s mind it seems logical and acceptable to blame others instead of taking responsibility for themselves. To blame is self-perpetuating and self-reinforcing, it’s a way of avoiding external repercussions while seeking something from a target, whether it is emotional, monetary, fun, reassurance or psychological stability.
What should you do about someone who blame you?
  • Do consider if you should hang out with someone who makes you feel guilty in the first place or into a one-way street relationship, where you put a lot of energy into bonding but the reciprocal feeling only exists in your illusion.
  • Believe in your instinct and common sense and ask yourself if you are really to blame in a situation where you are being blamed.
  • Have a good sense of yourself. How would you have acted if you were the other person? If you conclude that you are being treated unfairly just peacefully remove yourself from the situation without feeding the blamer’s ego.
  • Seek relationships with people who believe in you and support your dreams.
  • Keep a positive attitude because some people really suck the energy out of you so there is no point trying to make them admit their mistake, it just won’t happen. Everyone deserves compassion but we cannot change other people’s behaviors, only our own.
By Tatiana Michelet

03 September 2015

Laugh out loud at life comedy...



Our bio computers have two operating systems. One constantly works with mind enhancing and demanding identity, ego, possession of power, money, consumption, mathematics, and linear logic. The second works with heart or consciousness manifesting love, awareness, joy, compassion, appreciation, gratitude, spirituality and deeper level of humanity.

I have observed that despite of all the knowledge, wealth, advancement and progress in the world; predominantly two issues remain unchanged in human life, one habitual linear thinking and second habitual reactive action.

We are so focus on our ego system that we do not realize how dramatically we disturb our inner eco system; that take cares about the well-being of all including us. We are completely divided, burn out and torn between mind and consciousness. It’s a most crucial shift that now demands all of us to alter our personal attention from the head to heart.

We are silently drifting away from our spiritual awareness resulting personal, social and universal crises and disruption of essential self. Why we are born on this planet may be a subject of speculation, but certainly it does not make our life insignificant. As human beings, we need to know that we really matter.

We all need to become more open and receptive towards peaceful and meaningful life by altering our habitual understanding. I have found following simple steps to improve our life.

Acceptance: The metaphor of the mirror conveys the basic elements of the Zen mind. The mirror teaches "acceptance" or "non-judgmental." When we stand before a mirror, it reflects us without evaluating who we are or how good or bad we are. A mirror simply reflects our image. First important step in life is to accept everything around us as it is like a mirror.

Let Go: When things changes in life due to various reasons, our ego always refuse to accept the new circumstances. Instead, we cling, confront and demand that things remain as they have been. In doing so, we stress ourselves and obstruct our vision and adapting to the new conditions. Simply let go the past.

Be a Witness: Why do we constantly evaluate and analyse everything? Instead, sit back and witness—see the sequence and progression. Let life unfold before us without any internal analysis, judgement and expectations. Just observe and experience what is happening! The Zen mind witnesses the perfection or imperfection but does not judge it. It is like living in the world of forms and beings without being obsessed by or attached to them.

 Be Flexible and adaptive: To be flexible does not mean to be passive, to be suppressed or weaker. Instead, be like a blade of grass —bend when necessary, then spring back. Adaptive means to be receptive, interacting with surrounding and responding to it without any rigidly or clinging to a particular ideas or a thought process.

Go with the Flow: Life is like water flowing downstream, yield and flow around the rocks in life. Be flexible and playful like river. Look for alternative and creative ways to change our attitude and thinking.

Accept Inconsistency and Imperfection: Nothing is consistent in the universe. We are already part of the uncertain universal game of birth/death, up/down, solid/space, day/night, and positive/negative etc. However, our habitual mind always try to judge the people or events in life with limited understanding emphasizing “right” and “wrong” or "good" and "bad".

Drop the mind: I realize that when we drop our mind and apply our heart, life automatically follow both the principles of science and the principles of magic. Mind only offers us conventional-line of thinking as the only acceptable way of successful life; whereas thinking with heart enhances our ability to make paradigm shifts, to see things in more ways than one without being self-entered.

 Be Positive, caring and loving: The happier we are the more stress proof our mind is! Don’t waste your thoughts on those who hurt you in the past. Let it go. Surround yourself with like-minded people. Lift your soul and mind a little bit higher each day. Take care of your family and friends deeply and show your true warmth and affection! Find positive side in everything you may come across with. Learn your lessons from adversity.

Be Helpful and supportive: We all go through tough times in our lives and we deal with them in different ways. Anticipate the opposite person’s needs and see how best we can do something to meet it. Be proactive in offering help; don’t wait to be asked.

Life is not all about Money and Success: If we do not define the terms of our success then we are stuck with the socially programmed default settings of success, which usually means lots of money. Money is not the path to happiness or fulfilment. It will not make our life feel more meaningful, or improve our relationships. Always remember that money only fulfil our basic need! There is no shame in a modest lifestyle, but there is also nothing noble about having lots of money. We, on the other hand, are extremely valuable. The more we actively share our unique value with the society, the greater our sense of self-worth will become.

Be foolish and laugh out: Entire world is seeking clarity, certainty, and objectivity through mischievous intellectual means and words. Yet people are not clear, certain or objective. Everything is uncertain and subjective. Everywhere there is chaos war, poverty, sexual abuse, and scarcity, and terrorism, economic and financial instability. I have found a new perspective and dimension to avoid anxiety, tension and stress by remaining foolish observer on uncertain and subjective life situations.

Let's not clutter your mind. Keep it empty and it will be ready to absorb new information when it really matters. Till then laugh out loud at life comedy called human civilization as we currently define it.



"If you see life as a tragedy and cannot see it as a comedy, then you are not living high enough. If you see life as a comedy and cannot see it as a tragedy, then you are not living deep enough.”


By: Aditya Ajmera
 




IT IS an axiom with the scientists that every effect is related to a cause. Apply this to the realm of human conduct, and there is revealed the principle of Justice. Every scientist knows (and now all men believe) that perfect harmony prevails throughout every portion of the physical universe, from the speck of dust to the greatest sun.

Everywhere there is exquisite adjustment. In the sidereal universe, with its millions of suns rolling majestically through space and carrying with them their respective systems of revolving planets, its vast nebula, its seas of meteors, and its vast army of comets traveling through illimitable space with inconceivable velocity, perfect order prevails; and again, in the natural world, with its multitudinous aspects of life, and its infinite variety of forms, there are the clearly defined limits of specific laws, through the operation of which all confusion is avoided, and unity and harmony eternally obtain. If this universal harmony could be arbitrarily broken, even in one small particular, the universe would cease to be; there could be no cosmos, but only universal chaos.

Nor can it be possible in such a universe of law that there should exist any personal power which is above, outside, and superior to, such law in the sense that it can defy it, or set it aside; for whatsoever beings exist, whether they be men or gods, they exist by virtue of such law; and the highest, best, and wisest among all beings would manifest his greater wisdom by his more complete obedience to that law which is wiser than wisdom, and than which nothing more perfect could be devised.

All things, whether visible or invisible, are subservient to, and fall within the scope of, this infinite and eternal law of causation. As all things seen obey it, so all things unseen - the thoughts and deeds of men, whether secret or open cannot escape it.

"Do right, it recompenseth; do one wrong – the equal retribution must be made." Perfect justice upholds the universe; perfect justice regulates human life and conduct. All the varying conditions of life, as they obtain in the world today, are the result of this law reacting on human conduct.

Man can (and does) choose what causes he shall set in operation, but he cannot change the nature of effects; he can decide what thoughts he shall think, and what deeds he shall do, but he has no power over the results of those thoughts and deeds; these are regulated by the overruling law. Man has all power to act, but his power ends with the act committed. The result of the act cannot be altered, annulled, or escaped; it is irrevocable.

Evil thoughts and deeds produce conditions of suffering; good thoughts and deeds determine conditions of blessedness. Thus man's power is limited to, and his blessedness or misery is determined by his own conduct. To know this truth, renders life simple, plain, and unmistakable; all the crooked paths are straightened out, the heights of wisdom are revealed, and the open door to salvation from evil and suffering is perceived and entered.

Life may be likened to a sum in arithmetic. It is bewilderingly difficult and complex to the pupil who has not yet grasped the key to its correct solution, but once this is perceived and laid hold of, it becomes as astonishingly simple as it was formerly profoundly perplexing.

Some idea of this relative simplicity and complexity of life may be grasped by fully recognizing and realizing the fact that, while there are scores, and perhaps hundreds, of ways in which a sum may be done wrong, there is only one way by which it can be done right, and that when that right way is found the pupil knows it to be the right, his perplexity vanishes, and he knows that be has mastered the problem.

It is true that the pupil, while doing his sum incorrectly, may (and frequently does) think he has done it correctly, but he is not sure; his perplexity is still there, and if he is an earnest and apt pupil, he will recognize his own error when it is pointed out by the teacher.

So in life, men may think they are living rightly while they are continuing, through ignorance, to live wrongly; but the presence of doubt, perplexity, and unhappiness are sure indications that the right way has not yet been found. There are foolish and careless pupils who would like to pass a sum as correct before they have acquired a true knowledge of figures, but the eye and skill of the teacher quickly detect and expose the fallacy.

So in life there can be no falsifying of results; the eye of the Great Law reveals and exposes. Twice five will make ten to all eternity, and no amount of ignorance, stupidity, or delusion can bring the result up to eleven. If one looks superficially at a piece of cloth, he sees it as a piece of cloth, but if he goes further and inquires into its manufacture, and examines it closely and attentively, he sees that it is composed of a combination of individual threads, and that, while all the threads are interdependent, each thread pursues its own way throughout, never becoming confused with its sister thread. It is this entire absence of confusion between the particular threads which constitutes the finished work - a piece of cloth: any inharmonious commingling of the thread would result in a bundle of waste or a useless rag.

Life is like a piece of cloth, and the threads of which it is composed are individual lives. The threads, while being interdependent, are not confounded one with the other. Each follows its own course. Each individual suffers and enjoys the consequences of his own deeds, and not of the deeds of another. The course of each is simple and definite; the whole forming a complicated, yet harmonious, combination of sequences.

There are action and reaction, deed and consequence, cause and effect, and the counterbalancing reaction, consequence, and effect is always in exact ratio with the initiatory impulse. A durable and satisfactory piece of cloth cannot be made from shoddy material, and the threads of selfish thoughts and bad deeds will not produce a useful and beautiful life - a life that will wear well, and bear close inspection.

Each man makes or mars his own life; it is not made or marred by his neighbor, or by anything external to himself. Each thought he thinks, each deed he does, is another thread - shoddy or genuine - woven into the garment of his life; and as he makes the garment so must he wear it. He is not responsible for his neighbor's deeds; he is not the custodian of his neighbor's actions; he is responsible only for his own deeds; he is the custodian of his own actions.

The "problem of evil" subsists in a man's own evil deeds, and it is solved when those deeds are purified. Says Rosseau:

"Man, seek no longer the origin of evil; thou thyself art its origin."

Effect can never be divorced from cause; it can never be of a different nature from cause. Emerson says:

"Justice is not postponed; a perfect equity adjusts the balance in all parts of life."

And there is a profound sense in which cause and effect are simultaneous, and form one perfect whole. Thus, upon the instant that a man thinks, say, a cruel thought, or does a cruel deed, that same instant he has injured his own mind; he is not the same man he was the previous instant; he is a little viler and a little more unhappy; and a number of such successive thoughts and deeds would produce a cruel and wretched man.

The same thing applies to the contrary - the thinking of a kind thought, or doing a kind deed - an immediate nobility and happiness attend it; the man is better than he was before, and a number of such deeds would produce a great and blissful soul.

Thus individual human conduct determines, by the faultless law of cause and effect, individual merit or demerit, individual greatness or meanness, individual happiness or wretchedness. What a man thinks, that he does; what he does, that he is. If be is perplexed, unhappy, restless, or wretched, let him look to himself, for there and nowhere else is the source of all his trouble.

Source: THE MASTERY OF DESTINY By James Allen

09 August 2014

MY TWEETS




We are sailing in different boats and possibly we may possess superior boat; but we must remember that we share the same river called life and death.
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We are addicted to being right that it consumes our lives. We will do anything to be right and avoid being wrong at the cost of our happiness.
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We all run rackets. A racket of preserving unwanted past condition in place because it provides a payoff of self pity and sympathy from others.
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Universe is constantly working, inspiring, moving, touching, uplifting all; none excluded but we choose to give up our life and not past suffering.
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when you begin to look within frequently, you start experiencing growing awareness and a sense of ‘knowingness’
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God cherish and value our prayer more profoundly in our days of abundance instead of distress.
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Gratitude is the foundation for all abundance.
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If we don't define the terms of our success then we are stuck with the socially programmed default settings of success, which is just money.
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Most people don't understand life till they die and they don't understand death because they have never lived.
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The best way to insure your happiness in life is by paying premium of calmness and tranquillity in all situations.
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If you wish to contribute anything worthy to the world; offer your silence with smile.
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Appearing and disappearing, Existence and non-existence.....That’s the way life constantly changes its forms of energy.
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Whenever success and fame override our senses with greed, arrogance and delusion; it is a time to pause and reflect.
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EGO means attachment to layers of our unexamined thoughts and illusions. We avoid self inquiry because it shatters our belief system & false image.

24 May 2014

Conversation with Buddha




Dear Buddha,
Today I felt the desire to engage in a conversation with you....

In a few days I will be completing 56 magnificent years…The years of vivid emotions joy, innocence, love, hate, happiness, ego, sadness, fear, trial, error, success, failure, temptation etc., that I can’t deny nor ignore it. I see before me the faces of countless people, who remind me of ordinary and extraordinary events in my life.

The passage of time and your teaching has gradually helped me to see all these experiences in a clearer light and softens its significance realizing the meaning of impermanence and illusion. This introspective gaze made it possible a more serene and objective evaluation of my life I have met along the way.

On this beautiful day, I simply wish to express my warm gratitude to my parents, entire family and all friends for being in my life with their unconditional love.

I want to express my profound thanks to almighty for everything. For giving me countless lessons and opportunities to kindle my awareness. For giving me a chance and strength to stand up whenever I fall down. For giving me health and happiness. For giving me a most caring wife and awesome children. For giving me most loving family and true friends who stood by me in my darkest hours.

Most importantly for giving me precious gift of Free Will; the choice to accept or not to accept responsibility for where I am right now and where I am going next; the complete freedom and choice to change, alter and grow within.

Though there maybe times….I may digress and will leave your side while walking this mystical journey further; but I know that I will always come back to your path.

As someone rightly said “Man is immersed in time. He is born, lives and dies within time. Birth establishes one date, the first of his life, and death another, the last: defining the beginning and end of his existence on earth.”

I’m looking forward for the remaining years to walk with you holding my hand and guide me through your most divine teaching….

Timelessly yours,
Aditya